—
february 17 2025 ♫
this is the year of dreaming
• rules don't exist anymore
• mystery is more addictive than ever
• the liminal period between realizing change and its actualization is addictive
• ambiguity fuels manipulation's fire
• copyright doesn't exist anymore
• doom cultists say we have five years, a few years, less than a year, before it's too late
• it's already too late
• nothing is real
• everything is real, feel it with your body
• the robots are trained on your data and i'm sorry but you have to let it go, it's too late
• the robots are trained on your data and it's much worse than what people think it is, and i hope it's not too late
• i know you're scared, i am too
• training data is 4chan, gangstalking forums, 00s livejournal suicide letters, obsessive manic delusional "research" from mentally ill people who are out of touch with reality, people that question every aspect of reality
• depths of cognition and subconcious are available to all, it's not too hard to stumble into an infohazard
• everything questions reality now
• everyone's scaring the hoes
• i'm worried about not being able to travel
• trump's EOs and their similarities to nazi book burnings... well,
• there really isn't anything to do about it that isn't extreme
—
• mystery is addictive
• i didn't really know what it was like to be real until a few years ago
• i really love the new oklou album
"starting life at the end,
is it even real?"
OKLOU — FAMILY AND FRIENDS
• i really love malibu's music and her belmont girl project
• it felt like the beginning of something really new when i discovered her united in flames mix series last year (i was late!)
• one of the first uif mixes i heard in realtime was malibu x evian christ
• there's this moment at 56:59 in the mix, a vocal sample asks, "are you frozen?"
• my screenname as a teenager was "frozengirlfriend", a phrase i did significant mental gymnastics to avoid confronting the reality of my true identity as a transwoman
• my grandma passed away at that exact moment on the air, she was 100 years old, i never had the chance to tell her
• a lot of other really strange syncronicities happened last august through mid november
• a friend of mine was talking to the robot and it inexplicably referred to her as my first name
• a friend of mine let me stay at their apartment while they were out of town performing in miami. the moment i left for the airport, a glass inexplicably shattered all over the kitchen floor
• they thought i did it intentionally at first, they were reasonably upset but it quickly turned into a "wait what?" moment
• i stayed at this incredibly beautiful home in California last august, it felt like breathing the right air for the first time in my life. a lot of people told me that California sun looks good on me
• i'm not great with compliments but i actually believe people when they say them now
• it felt like a new dream had been born, a new version of a new version of a new version of an older dream. but this one felt much more real
• it's strange to finally develop a sense of confidence when you're starting life at the end
★You will become stronger only after you have loved.
★You have to love before you want to love again☆
★Only after you have loved can you know what pain is.☆
★Only after you have loved do you know how to cherish it
★You will become mature only after you have loved.
★Only after you have loved can you understand what love is☆
★Only after you have loved do you realize that you will regret losing it☆
★Only after you have loved can you know what happiness is
★Only after you have loved do you know how lonely you will be
★Only after falling in love do you know how much you mis-
• i hadn't listened to lana del rey until last year
• she's so good are you kidding
• she really gets California
• last october i kept seeing the word "imagination" everywhere
• it's like i read the word "fantastic" for the first time
fantastic (adj.)
late 14c., "existing only in imagination, produced by (mental) fantasy," from Old French fantastique (14c.), from Medieval Latin fantasticus, from Late Latin phantasticus "imaginary," from Greek phantastikos "able to imagine," from phantazein "make visible" (middle voice phantazesthai "picture to oneself"); see phantasm. Trivial sense of "wonderful, marvelous" recorded by 1938. Old French had a different adjective form, fantasieus "weird; insane; make-believe." Medieval Latin also used fantasticus as a noun, "a lunatic," and Shakespeare and his contemporaries had it in Italian form fantastico "one who acts ridiculously."
• i looked into the etymology, hours went by, and i found myself looking at Système figuré des connaissances humaines for the first time
• history/memory, philosophy/reason, poetry/imagination
SYSTÉME FIGURÉ DES CONNAISSANCES HUMAINES
• i have this routine with two people close to me where we listen to uif at the same time and text each other "omggggg"
• people are really just people, and the range of intensity in expression is amplified by that addiction to mystery
• i had never heard of the musician ballad before january's uif, they're really phenomenal
• LA fires burned down malibu days before that uif
• it felt like that dream i had, the realest dream, was dead forever in an instant
• the smoke from the flames killed david lynch, a massive inspiration and hero of mine
• that uif hit like lightning
• i made this website that day and wrote about everything, about Love. my first time i've put writing onto the internet
• lots of tears in january
• now we're where we are now
• i hate my computer but i'll probably get over it
• the pendulum always swings
• it's really swinging right now but it's about to much more
• the robot told me my north/south nodes were taurus/scorpio, but i just found out yesterday that it was wrong, it's actually scorpio/taurus
• i think that makes a lot more sense
• i don't want to entrust the robot with my stars
• i'm worried about you
• everything's happening as it needs to
"is the endless still unbound, or am i just different now?"
OKLOU — ENDLESS
• i hate baggage and i wish everyone would just let go of everything that's already happened
• that's not to say erase it, but to embrace the new
• i'm really exhausted from thinking
"In its flight from death, the craving for permanence clings to the very things sure to be lost in death"
HANNAH ARENDT, LOVE AND SAINT AUGUSTINE, 1929
• you can go back but it will never be the same
• i realized that my dream i thought was completely dead isn't fully dead, it's just different
• maybe that's what this all is
"The Seasons are emblems of the incessant ticking of time and, flanked by an erotic scene and theatrical masks, symbolize an eternal love that overcomes the passage of years and changes in appearance."
VILLA ROMANA DEL CASALE, PIAZZA ARMERINA, SICILY, ITALY
4TH CENTURY A.D. — THANK YOU CAROLINE POLACHEK
• you live, you die, all over again
• see you in the stars
★